


It's Gonna Get Better (No, Seriously)

by alstroemerian



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13906815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alstroemerian/pseuds/alstroemerian
Summary: "It's gonna get better."Alexander doesn't believe it, but he sure hopes Aaron does.





	It's Gonna Get Better (No, Seriously)

Alexander’s got a gun.

A 357 magnum, loaded.

He sitting at his desk, looking out at the first heavy snowfall of the year when he points it to his temple.

He’s gonna do it. He’s gonna blow his fucking brains out right onto this desk and Aaron’s gonna be the one to find his body and-

Aaron.

“Fucking Christ,” he mutters, unloading the gun and tucking both it and the bullets into the bottom of his desk drawer.

Only Aaron, his roommate, could make him feel guilty about wanting to end it all. He was in so much _pain,_ but so was this kid and he couldn’t make him go through that.

Alexander remembers last year, finding him in the bathroom, head between his knees. He hadn’t said a word when Alexander found the cuts in on his arms-small but deep- just let him clean them up, and he curled into the couch afterward, falling immediately into sleep.

The apartment is silent. That means that Aaron’s either asleep or he’s awake which means he’s probably thinking too much and that’s _never_ a good thing.

Alexander finds him in the kitchen. Well, on the kitchen floor.

He’s kneeling in front of a bowl of what looks like burnt pasta, crying into the pot. After a while he feels Alexander’s presence beside him and quietly says “I want to die.”

He gets like this sometimes. So deep in his own head about everything that the minute something goes wrong (whether it be minor or life changing), it’s too much, driving him just a little bit too close to the edge.

Alexander usually pulls him off it.

“Hey, come ‘ere.”

Alexander pulls him into a hug, letting him leave a wet patch in the fabric of his t-shirt.

“It’s not gonna be like this forever. Someday, soon, you’re gonna have those thoughts and you’re gonna have the strength to overcome this shit. It’ll get better, I promise.”

He says it more to himself than to Aaron and while he really doesn’t believe it, he sure as fuck hopes Aaron does because there’s no way in hell he’s losing this kid to his own mind.

“You’re gonna live a long life and do great things. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

Aaron doesn’t answer, just holds onto him tighter.

They sit like that for hours, moving just before it starts to get uncomfortable.

They end up in Alex’s bed, Aaron as the little spoon and Alex imagines himself as as shield, protecting him from all the bullshit life will throw at him.

He knows he won’t be here much longer (it's really only a matter of time), and he can only hope that when he’s gone Aaron really will be okay.


End file.
